(La version française
est ici)
So it's the day
after September 22, I might as well
revive my blog which has been deserted by its author and its readers (assuming
the latter actually exist). Anyway, a month ago I
was in Europe. I set foot in Norway and Germany (and Denmark for a brief time,
I wanted to spend two weeks in Norway since I had a conference there, but it's
freakishly expensive... so I spent the second week in a slightly cheaper country).
As the title indicates, this post will be exclusively about the last country of
Scandinavia that was missing from my list, so here are a few excerpts from my
travel log. And a few pictures, since I might as well. The post trip comments
are in italics.
"Ottawa, 2012-08-26 Airport (no
intentional misspelling in the translation, doesn't work)
So I'm about to go on my first solo trip to Europe since they shut down
Mirabel (last time, they still had chartered flights)."
It was in a previous
millennium, direct AirTransat flight from Mirabel to Toulouse. I've been to
Europe twice since, but never alone.
"Existential
question: what's the idea of wearing a tuque on one's noggin inside when it's
30, and that's +30, outside?"
I ask myself that question a lot on my travels I didn't
have a travel journal in San Diego, and the thermometer never reached +30
there, but I seem to remember seeing a few idiots wearing tuques in this lovely
corner of California, which, by the way, I know of since kindergarten, as one
classmate kept saying with a funny accent, that his dad worked in "Califouwnie".
He disappeared from the classroom during the fall if I recall correctly,
probably to join his dad in "Califouwnie".
"Frankfurt,
14:40 local time
... Anyway, FRA, ain't all that great. But the gates are relatively
quiet and unoccupied. I dozed off for about 15 minutes. And the English
newspapers (the only non-German ones, couldn't they get a least one Le Monde?)
suck. Except for the USA Today, on the C. diff., it's all finance."
My cousin Janick had told me that Frankfurt airport
wasn't all that great. He was right, and that was even truer on the way back,
you can read about it when I write the post on the Berlin leg of the trip.
...The hotel is
fu******* expensive for what you but the internet connection is reliable and
the bar has won a gold medal for its whiskeys. But everything is expensive and my brain is barely functioning. Time to
sleep and get over the jetlag. The pizza was good."
FYI, the room was $220 Canadian per night, and that's the
conference price. Expedia's price: 330$ per night. But a reliable internet
connection is almost impossible to find in North-American hotels.
"Bergen, August
18, 2012, 15:09
Do I look like a not
a tourist? I hate being spoken to in an unknown language by a stranger who
thinks I'm not a tourist. Anyway. I walked in
the sentrum and beyond. I bought a sheep for Christmas. I must reiterate,
Bergen, it's fucking beautiful but it's fucking expensive. Surrounded by no less
than 7 mountains (not as tall as the Rockies but closer than in Vancouver) with
little houses on the cliffs. There are some steep slopes, cobblestone streets,
a castle and a museum about the time of the Hanseatic league.
(It's been 18 years
since I set foot on a site that used to be part of the Hanseatic league and is
part of Unesco World Heritage. I must absolutely
take a cruise on the fjords
...
Now that I think about it, I've never been on a fjord cruise except to
see some whales (it's been 22 years I think). The only drawback of the fjords
is that they don't freeze over (as there's no winter here) so you can't go ice
fishing.
..."
The sheep I am talking about is of course a decoration, not
a real one. And the other Hanseatic league, UNESCO World Heritage site is of
course Visby. And I never did close that parenthesis.
"Bergen, 5 minutes after the good ol' 5PM movie, 2012-08-19
Well, no smoked mackerel this morning, and since the conference started
this morning, the breakfast room was packed this morning, with some asshole who
moved my place holding juice to steal my table. Fucking classless jerk.
...
Anyway, I walked again downtown, and took new pictures including one of
two young ladies walking barefoot on the street after the rain (and before the
rain, it rains every day a little, a lot, passionately, madly). It reminded me
of Janna who used to walk barefoot outside as well.
...
In fact, one restaurant
in the sentrum sells Fajitas for 276 kr that is 46$ per plate. I can't wait to have the lunch included with the conf."
I did not have a single lunch at the conference. What was
edible allergy-wise wasn't orthodontic braces-wise.
"18:38 Addendum
...
And Scandinavian kids
are so blond and Scandinavian. So are the chicks.
Last remark: it's
supposedly 17°C but the least of exercises makes me sweat since it's fucking
humid and Europe has yet to learn about the principle of air conditioning."
"Bergen 2012-08-20 8:40
Grieghall
Finally some Grieg. I
was afraid that the piano on the stage was there for nothing. Unfortunately,
we'll get to hear "You raise me up" instead of death metal. I hope I
won't have to look for some.
...
8:55 Våren by Grieg sounds better than the
previous song and translates to "blueberry hill". I approve.
The blueberry jam
here works better on the non toasts than the strawberry jam (which is oh so
natural but yet so flavorless).
Marianne Juvik Sæbø
has quite a voice and some range.
...
10:25 Why can't they
let go of the Warsaw template in Beamer for fuck's sake? An also, only coffee
and tea as refreshments? No juice? Swear word
again!
...
21:37 at the hotel
... It's better that way,
I won't give my cold (or flu, or SARS or tuberculosis, I don't know, I'm not a medical
doctor) to everyone."
I hate getting a cold while traveling. Because in the
end, it was just a cold. I think.
"Grieghall August 21, 2012 11:10
...
13h48 A "weird"
thing about Bergen, there's only black ducks around, no mallard. Ah yes, I'm
not allergic to smoked mackerel, I'll have more tomorrow.
17h37 I finally had the balls to eat in a non-fast-food, nor hotel
restaurant for dinner. I had a cider "with berries of the forest". Same
makers as yesterday's perry. With aspartame added. A little too much of a girly
drink for my taste. I'll have some whisky tonight, perhaps with a local beer
before. I think the dessert will have to wait as well. Not bad for a
"fancy" little restaurant, this Yr Café.
..."
The tea cup to finish was practically a tea bowl.
"22 August 2012
...
So, I drank beer from
a local microbrewery while eating a brownie and drinking a Japanese single malt
scotch. I had a headache this morning, but I blame my cold.
...
Fuck! Stop
going over the outline of the talk. The lady speaker sucks and not in a good
way....
Again with the
fucking Warsaw template. Uhm, um, euh... shit.
Slide after slide of boring notation. (in
English in the original) Leave that for journal articles. They really don't
have a clue how to present. The slides are Spartan outside the mathematics. How
can you be so dumb?
It's really no the
type of presentation one wants to see while suffering from a cold. My camera
couldn't take the photo, but the slide was a record. Tiny font, gigantic lines
of equations. The guy's a true champion. And he skips the real data example as
well.
...
Black writing on
white background PowerPoint. It truely is an entire session of champions. And
she's just reading her slides. OK, a little racist remark: she once pronounced
it "rikerihood"..."
I was really disappointed by the talks at the conference
this year.
"19:07...
Norway is simply too
beautiful. The mountains, the fjords, the architecture, tall blondes with blue
eyes. Because of that, to compensate, it rains all the time. And it's crazily
expensive."
"Bergen's harbour,
August 23, 2012 9:50
On the White Lady (I
like that name) for a 4 hours tour on the fjords. I'll still have time to play
tourist after. There are people dressed up for winter, while I'm sweating.
...
Magnificient rainbow over
Bergen. I hope that the fat Italian doesn't ruin my picture too much.
...
OK, Bergen and the
fjords of Norway are beautiful like little baby Jesus in swaddling clothes. But,
without wanting to be chauvinistic, the Saguenay has three advantages:
1- the sun that is
there more often and for longer periods
2- belugas
3- ice fishing
But I do recommend to
all those who can afford it to visit the fjords of Norway.
If the people could
stick their luggage under the chairs instead of on them, fewer idiots would
have to stand like the dumbasses they all are.
....
So, boat cruises are
nice but there are some lengthy boring periods. The French couple that's almost
fighting, a classic.
Just to annoy people,
and since despite my antiperspirant my armpits are sweating like crazy, I took
off my jacket.
...
I also took a picture
of the blue sky between the clouds. You always have to hurry for that here.
...
There aren't enough
swear words, even pious ones, to express how insanely beautiful it is. And if
it rains again I should take advantage of the deck while it's sparsely occupied.
OK, Norwegians have a
lot of fjords.
Jeans below the ass
when you're a fat chick, they really don't help. It makes you a fat chick with
no ass. I seem to recall there were more people on the top floor at the
beginning of the cruise. Those who can't stand the "cold" temperature
don't know what they are missing.
...
Even the English are
frozen. Despite the fact that they're used to rain and humidity.
....
The cabin is
overheated for the whimpy cold averse tourists, that now only go above to smoke.
I visited the facilities and bought myself a liquid lunch, a Coke for 30Kr
(5$), cold of course."
I must mention how much I despised most of the tourists on
the cruise... But the boat tour and the views were worth enduring their
annoying presence.
"16:03 Top of the funicular
...
So, I hear some geese
(or ducks) and I find myself singing softly Nils Holgersson's theme from the
animated series (the story is Swedish, the animé is Japanese of course). For
Norway, one needs a good camera, a good jacket, a superior quality umbreall,
and high quality waterproof walking shoes.
...
I set foot outside
the path like the insane daredevil that I am. If those are the last lines I
write, it's not too bad a way too die. The president of the ISCB said you could
really believe that fairies and et trolls live in these woods at the place is
so magical. She's absolutely right."
I survived.
"August 24 2012...
7:34 TABARNAC! I lost my Saguenay
flag badge. A cleaning lady must have stolen it while cleaning the room because
I know I had it when I arrived in Bergen.
...
The flybussen have
baby seats and I made the mistake of sitting next to one. I had to move twice when
a MILF and her crying baby...
...
The baby stopped crying.
He seems much content with his situation now. With a mother as hot as his, you
can't stay mad for long.
...
Ah yes, it's natural
Norwegian spring water, distributed by Coca-cola. I have this funny feeling
that there's a municipal tap in between somewhere.
...
Among the stupid
jokes to make while I let my mind wander, and which shall be true soon enough. Something
is rotten in the state of Denmark: it's me."
That MILF was so hot, blonde, blue eyed and Scandinavian.
And this puts an end
to the Bergen part of my travel log. I was in Copenhagen only for a short
connection on the way to Berlin, but it was by far the best airport I visited
on this trip.
Labels: bleuets, blueberries, bouffe, fjord, food, medieval, Norvège, Norway, not cold, travel, voyage
